Fun Fact: Donald Trump Is Actually A Stephen King Character

stillson-edit-668x501Stephen King is the author responsible for such dream-haunting creations as a memorably pissed off telekinetic prom queen, a denim-clad dimension-hopping deity, a temperamental train engine with a poor sense of humor, a murderous St. Bernard, and a burial ground that takes recently deceased loved ones and spits them back to Earth as feral butchers.

But his most terrifying invention may be something much closer to home — a coarse, unstable demagogue who enters the political arena seemingly out of nowhere, rides a wave of populism to an unlikely White House victory, and raging with messianic self-regard incites a nuclear apocalypse.

This is Gregory Ammas Stillson, the antagonist of King’s 1979 novel The Dead Zone, and he’s as frightening as anything cooked up by the prolific novelist’s imagination. This year in particular, Stillson seems an eerily prescient portent of our current political climate.

“I’ve seen the comparisons drawn between Trump and Stillson on Twitter — always makes me smile,” King said in an email.

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Dana Loesch vs. The ‘Tragedy Dry-Humping Whores’

snowman-668x501Excerpted from my “This Week In Crazy” column at The National Memo.

The Blaze‘s Dana Loesch went on a shrill rant Tuesday against the godlessness and idiocy of gun control advocates, whom she likened to a bunch of “tragedy dry-humping whores.”

Her aria began by attacking the widely-publicized New York Daily News cover that excoriated GOP lawmakers for offering “thoughts and prayers” for those lost to gun violence, despite their record of torpedoing legislation that would actually do something to rein in gun violence.

Loesch affirmed that it was not the gun-loving conservatives, but rather the “Godless Left” who have “blood on their hands.” Between wiping flecks of rabid foam from her mouth, she accused liberals of being “illiterate,” mistakenly blaming the NRA when they should be directing their ire to the Department of Homeland Security. Liberals, she spits, should not get mad at Wayne LaPierre, whose integrity Loesch defends on the basis that he is “an older white guy,” but rather at “a younger black man,” Secretary of Homeland Security Jeh Johnson.

In other words, don’t blame the NRA for our senseless gun laws, which make it easy for any domestic terrorist, regardless of religious or political affiliation (if any), to acquire guns. They are beyond reproach, since, as Loesch plainly explains: “The NRA is made up of people who are just like me.”

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Republicans Talk ‘Ruthless Things’ At Restive Fifth Debate

tagreuters-com2015binary_lynxmpebbf092-baseimage-668x501“We’re talking about ruthless things tonight,” co-moderator Hugh Hewitt said deep in the second debate.

Indeed, former Senator Rick Santorum kicked off the affair by asserting, “We have entered World War III,” setting the tone for a pair of fractious, grim GOP debates focussed on national security and terrorism. Questions touched on the fight against ISIS, turmoil in the Middle East, the bombing of civilians, nuclear proliferation in Iran and North Korea, border security, immigration, and the conflict between domestic surveillance and civil liberties.

Republican candidates for president met at the Venetian Hotel in Las Vegas Tuesday night for their fifth batch of debates. As before, the affair was divided into two movements: a primetime spectacle for the nine candidates leading in the polls and a warm-up act to collect the remaining four. The mainstage show included Donald Trump, Senator Ted Cruz from Texas, Senator Marco Rubio from Florida, Dr. Ben Carson, former Florida governor Jeb Bush, New Jersey governor Chris Christie, Carly Fiorina, Ohio governor John Kasich, and Senator Rand Paul from Kentucky. The undercard debate included former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee, former New York governor George Pataki, Senator Lindsey Graham from South Carolina, and former Senator Rick Santorum from Pennsylvania. (Jim Gilmore, former Virginia governor, has not officially suspended his campaign yet. Though with his poll numbers at rock bottom, he was not invited to Tuesday’s debate, or indeed any of the three previous debates.)

Wars — past, present, and the future ones, which they reminded us were inevitable — were the tonic note of both anxious debates, to which the candidates referred to again and again, as they expressed their own hawkish determination to rout out ISIS abroad and “political correctness” at home. Whatever it took.

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Jindal vs. The Republicans

jindal-christie-668x501Most GOP candidates are content to reserve their most emphatic attacks for Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama.

Not Bobby Jindal.

In recent months, the Louisiana governor’s stump speech has calcified around a pitch that “it’s not enough to elect just any conservative — we’ve seen that.”

In Jindal’s now-familiar narrative, his party lost the last two presidential elections because each time it nominated a “fake conservative,” and the GOP itself in general is in danger of becoming a “second liberal party.”

“We try to be cheaper versions of the Democratic party,” Jindal protested, admonishing that the party should “embrace our own principles,” and by extension, nominate him — the only candidate, he claimed, whose conservative record may not have made him “electable” in any conventional sense. But that was a good thing.

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Bryan Fischer Is A Fucking Ghoul

Excerpted from my “This Week In Crazy” column, October 30, 2015.

I owe Bryan Fischer an apology. The mouthpiece for the American Family Association is apparently a loyal TWIC reader, and a peeved one at that, since he failed to snag the #1 spot last time he was on the list.

In a possible bid for that esteemed title, last week he cooked up a juicy screed defending the constitutionality of shutting down mosques — and I completely missed it. Sorry, Bryan. But better late than never, I suppose.

Writing in the AFA’s blog last Thursday, Fischer doubles down on Donald Trump’s controversial remarks that he would “certainly look at” the legality of shutting down a mosque.

In a post subtly titled “Yes, mosques can be closed,” Fischer valiantly steps in to go one better than Trump: Not only can we shut down mosques, we must — and, in fact, the U.S. Constitution authorizes it.

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Fox News Says Captain America Is Un-American

The folks over at the morning chatterdome Fox & Friends are continuing their project to espy culture warfare in every last nook and cranny. On their Sunday show, they cast their indignation spotlight upon the latest issue of Marvel’s Captain America, which introduces the classic character’s new identity — Sam Wilson, a Black superhero also known as the Falcon (portrayed in the Marvel films by actor Anthony Mackie).

Co-host Clayton Morris described the move as a “publicity stunt” to drive sales and to poison the all-American ideology of traditional superhero comics. Specifically at issue is the fact that Wilson’s foes in this latest storyline are the Sons of the Serpent, which The Comics Book Database describes as a “racist and anti-immigrant extremist group, espousing a white-power ideology, and often seeking to destabilize the U.S. government through terrorist and hate-crime activities.” They claim to defend the laws of God, nature, and the U.S. Constitution. Topical, no?

Captain America is “going up against conservatives! They’re the new enemy!” Morris exclaims.

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Trevor Noah’s First Volley In The ‘War On Bullshit’

Trevor Noah’s first target was perhaps the easiest — himself. He kicked off his new gig as host of The Daily Show on the defensive. And how could he not?

When Jon Stewart retired from the Comedy Central institution after 16 years, the position he left open was unique and possibly unprecedented in the annals of late-night comedy. Stewart sat at the intersection of punditry and satire — a master at throwing spitballs loaded with outrage and insight, who simultaneously lampooned and illuminated what he called the “country’s 24-hour politico-pundit-perpetual-panic-conflictinator.”

Enter Trevor Noah, the 31-year-old comedian from Johannesburg, South Africa, who joined the show as a junior correspondent a mere four months before he was officially heralded as its new host.

He came armed with an easy smile that camouflages a dangerous wit, as if to say, “Your credulity is your kryptonite, America.” But could he replace Stewart?

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